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Archive for the ‘Life’ Category

monkey-with-hand-trapped-in-bottle-grabbing-bannana-with-sign“we are tempted when we are dragged away by our own evil desire and enticed.  Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is brought to completion, it brings forth death.”   — James 1:14-15

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it to the full.”   — John 10:10

“…choose life…by loving the Lord your God, by obeying His voice, and by holding fast to Him…” — Deuteronomy 30:19b-20a

 

In Southern Mexico lies the Cueva de Villa Luz, or Cave of the Lighted House.  I’ve read that as you make your way to the cave you walk through a veritable paradise of tropical birds and lush rain forest. Underwater the cave is fed by 20 underground springs, beautiful watercourses which teem with tiny fish. The cave itself is home to spectacular rock formations and beautiful ponds. The environment is inviting. Yet accept the invitation and you’ll soon be dead. You see, the Cueva de Villa Luz is filled with poisonous gases.

Temptation is just like this. It presents itself to us as something inviting, attractive, lifegiving. Yet in reality it’s poisonous and toxic.

Now squarely in mid-life, I, like many others before me, am examining my life — in particular, what have I done, if anything, of lasting meaning — and what, if anything, can I do with the time remaining to me that will be of lasting meaning. In this lengthy (and still in-progress) exercise, I’ve had to admit the painful truth that, as Paul puts it in Ephesians 4, I’ve often given the devil a foothold, following the path that James outlines in his first chapter (and quoted above).

The result has been, indeed, death.  Death of dreams, death of opportunities, death of fulfilling my role fully as husband, father, and friend.  I reflect on moments in which my words and actions can only have negative impact they are modeled by others such as my children.  In the opportunities and ministries God has provided, I see responsibilities only partially fulfilled and effectiveness compromised.

All too often, I’m like the monkeys that are caught using candy or other sweets and a bottle. You see, old milk bottles are tied to the ground, and then something sweet is placed inside the bottle.  When a monkey comes along and sees the sweet he places his hand inside the bottle, but with the sweet enclosed in his palm his fist is too big to get back out the bottle. The  monkey will pull and push in an effort to get that sweet out, but he will not let it go, not even as his captors approach. And so the monkey is caught, literally with “his hand in the cookie jar”!

This represents perfectly the contradiction of temptation and integrity.  As Dr. Jim Denison notes, “temptation seems to benefit more than it costs at first, but its disastrous consequences always outweigh the reward. Integrity usually costs more than it benefits at first, but its positive consequences always outweigh the cost.”

Our enemy is always a “roaring lion, seeking someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8). He wants, as Jesus told us (also quoted above), only to steal from us, to destroy us. Thus, we can know that any offer of good from our desires which contradict God’s word to and design for us must lead to a greater harm.

Theologian Lyman Abbott noted that “every life is a march from innocence, through temptation, to virtue or vice.”  In my self-examination, I’m looking at where my march is headed.  It’s a question I urge you to consider as well.

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The Super Bowl is this Sunday, and it will feature the New England Patriots — a franchise that has had an extended run of greatness, unlike any in team sports over the past quarter-century.  The owner of the team is Robert Kraft – who took a losing team and made it a winning one.

“Winning football games has been more important to me than making money. Winning is what turns me on. Money is pretty good, but a shroud has no pockets.” – Robert Kraft
There is great wisdom here. No, not winning football games, but rather, the realization that you can’t take it with you — “a shroud has no pockets.” So, what turns you on?  Is it something that you can’t take with you — or is it something of eternal value.
“Do not work for the food which perishes, but for the food which endures to eternal life…” – Jesus

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Twenty-seven years ago, I married the most beautiful woman on earth (she still is!).  I was young, brash, arrogant, selfish — but I didn’t realize it at the time.  I had told Mary before we were married (and for many years after), that I didn’t want children.  Not because I disliked babies or kids or teens…. but because I was convinced I would not make a good father, a good dad.

But I had no doubt whatsoever that I’d make a fantastic husband.  I thought I had all the “bible learning” down on being a good husband, and I thought I would exemplify what a good husband was.  Boy, was Mary lucky to have me!  That last part may not have been a conscious thought, but it might as well have been.

As it turned out, I knew nothing about being a good husband.  Without going into details, let’s just say I made it about me, my rights as a husband, the respect I “deserved” based on my biblical role as leader of my household.  I expected respect (without demonstrating I deserved it) and had little tolerance for anything I interpreted as questioning my role or my “wisdom.”  Frankly, I was a fool and a jackass.

But then came a day I’ll never forget.  My grandma, a wonderful woman of God with down-to-earth common sense, pulled me aside and basically let me know what a putz I was being as a husband.  My grandma was kind, sweet and extremely wise.  For her to “put me in my place” shocked my sensibilities, but it was sure necessary and I’m grateful she did it.  Her rebuke was and is a great example that corrective admonishment can be done out of love.

I wish I could say that from that day forward, I was indeed the husband the Bible calls for and the man of Mary’s dreams.  Unfortunately, that has not been the case.  But I have always been mindful of what I should be and hope I’ve made progress in that direction.

 

Having reached mid-life (assuming a “standard” life-expectancy!), I am heeding the warning of Socrates & Plato regarding an unexamined life.  As I reflect on my life and its results, I see a man who is in many ways hard to love and hard to like.  I see many friendships that have dried up, atrophied, faded — some due to what we call “life” (time, distance, changes in family or other circumstance); others due to neglect, and, I fear, my own self-centeredness.

More and more I realize the ripple effects through time my negative actions have on my family and the effects self-centeredness has had on my friendships.  And these (family and friends) are two primary means God uses to give life meaning and purpose.   I realize, without Mary, I would likely be alone and with little hope of an enriched life “on this mortal plain.”

As our marriage has unfolded, my wife has loved me when my words and actions have caused mental and emotional pain; she has loved me when I have failed to be a spiritual leader; she has loved me when I’ve been quick to anger; she has loved me, quite honestly, when I have been unlovable.

Many husbands, on occasions such as anniversaries, state, “I wouldn’t change a thing.”  But, if I could, I would.  Change who I married?  Not on your life!  Change the person I’ve been and behaviors I displayed?  Absolutely.

But, alas, I cannot do that.  What I can do is continue to preach the gospel to myself (especially in regards to forgiving myself), and I can strive to be a husband who loves his wife as Christ loved the church.  A calling and responsibility I far too often forget.  It is when I sacrifice myself, when I give of myself — when I intentionally lead for the present and eternal good of my family, when I put their welfare above my own desires that I have any good impact — in the now and in the future.  I can strive to be what my grandma admonished and reminded me I should be, and I look to God to redeem my past sins and to “make up for the years the locusts have eaten” (Joel 2:25) as I seek to please Him in the more excellent way of love — particularly in the intentional love of a husband and father.

My wife has inexplicably continued to show me grace, mercy, forgiveness and love throughout our married life.  She has, in many ways, shown Christ in action.  God has indeed blessed me, and I continue to learn what love is and how to love because of Mary.

Thank you, honey, from all that is within me, for being my wife.

 

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